The Eye of the Tornado

My mood today is on a record low. I was excited to go to Quiapo and have my palms read by the fake fortune tellers, but my brother ditched me for his more eccentric friends. I might as well have ditched him when he had pharyngitis. That leaves me with nothing to do other than read Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar for the second time around.

Really, this must be how the eye of a tornado must feel, alone and empty amidst the surrounding hullabaloo. Everyone I know have work, friends and family, the primary things that keep any normal person preoccupied. But I'm not bothered by any of those. I quit working, loathing my job. My friends kept theirs in the hopes of climbing the corporate ladder. And Mom and Dad live a hundred miles from here, oblivious to the erratic mental state of their own daughter.

It's a good thing I have this blog so I could keep track of how I'm feeling and be able to say Well Kat, from the look on things, you're still pretty normal. Like a leash I put on myself in case I lose grip on reason and things get out of hand. Things are still controllable now as I have one last thing to look forward to -- law school.

The day I decided to proceed to law school, I also decided to devote most of my waking hours purely for academic pursuits. This is something I planned but failed to do during college. However I honestly don't see any way for me to stop getting involved in whatever exta-curricular is out there. My bones are screaming to move. I have to do something. I need to get busy, to get motivated. Since my brother and I share nothing in common except blood lines, I have set a lunch date with some of my college friends next week at Makati. Hopefully they would provide some form of a solution to my mental slump.

Perhaps it's just the heat, but I've had it with summer. Though the thought of having to lie in bed till 10:00 am is comforting, I don't want to wake up every day not knowing what to do. I might as well swallow a dozen Valiums and never wake up altogether. There won't be any difference anyway.